someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
