Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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