My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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