Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
