He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
