I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
