I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You smell like stripper and shame
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
