He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
