we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
