I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
