dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
