My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
