Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
