she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
