The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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