we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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