i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
