Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
