Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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