where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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