Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
being pregnant is like rehab
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
