let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
