so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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