your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
