I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
