and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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