I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
