when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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