Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
