take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The adults are the big ones right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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