You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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