Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
