Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
