White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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