You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
