The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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