mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
