i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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