i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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