You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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