I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
