how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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