im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
