Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
