I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
