I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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