I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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