i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
