I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
