Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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