Please, let me fuck your mom
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
