So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
