last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
